- □ x
|
|
- □ x
_
_ entry 003
_ 27/11/2024
_ oof hi it has been a little bit :D
_ been struggling a little this past few days, but nothing a little cockroach-like behavior can't fix. it snowed a little here and that made me regain a little will to live but then it was 17c two days later in late november, so i am once again desperate about the state of the world yay! but anyway... ive been chipping away at my commissions and hoping to get them done before i go on christmas vacation! nothing fancy, i dont have the money for that kind of vacation, im just going accross the country to spend it with bf and my family. the more ive grown up the less ive gotten along with family, and also the less ive been seeing them (because ive moved further and further away over the years) so now when i see them they dont have time to be assholes LOL. so its pretty nice, spending christmas in the countryside in the middle of buttfuck nowhere in front of the fireplace... looking forward to it! well, if i can get there. theres gonna be strikes and stuff on trains and railways so im not 100% sure we'll be able to make it... buuuut if we dont, we should get fully refunded on our tickets that cost us an arm, so i guess that'd still be a win, right ?
_ so because of this ive been hunting for gifts and presents for christmas... my family is a little hard to get gifts for, because none of them really gush about any interests except being assholes and being mad about stuff. but i think ive managed okay so far. my mom and aunt are getting cat themed little stuff, my mom is getting one of those flower legos, my step dad is getting a dragon ball entry grade gunpla kit, and everyone is getting a bonus hot chocolate bomb. im pondering what to gift to my grandma (by far the most annoying one to gift things to) but i might just craft her a little art set for painting or something of the sort. she used to paint a little when i was a kind, and doesnt really do it anymore, so maybe that'd be a good idea... still have a few days to ponder that one mmmm
_ also, bf has been noticibly harder to get gifts for this year... since he has splurged a bunch on a new computer and overall just bought things he liked for himself instead of just saying he wanted them but never got them, now i dont have many options!!! ill probably get him a new keyboard and one pokemon figurine he liked at a store, but thats kinda not a lot so thats lame. he got me not one but TWO evangelion gunpla kits, so i feel compelled to get him something good you know ???? urgggh ill have to think and i dont like thinking!!!!
_ right now im procrastinating making breakfast despite being very hungry. also procrastinating getting ready to go outside to get some of the gifts at the store... oh, yeah, i could only get some of them before because i didnt have a credit card anymore LOL but that is now finally fixed, and so are most of my other bank troubles. im not gonna say much about it for privacy's sake, but that was a pain in my ass and im glad its been (mostly) dealt with lmao. now im finally free from cash only and/or having someone else pay for things hell wooo!
_ ok that post felt kind of useless but i just wanted to yap a little bit. now i should really get that breakfast going and put on something warm... uggggh i dont wanna go outside, but outside has little treats so mmmm maybe its not so bad
- □ x
_
_ entry 002
_ 12/11/2024
_ pretty tired as i write this, but ive been making a gallery page and uploading all the art ive been making since 2019 or so, and its been getting to me a little lol,,,, well theres been struggles with uploading all the art and organising it etc etc, but just the fact that im seeing all this art and fanart and commissions ive not *ever* made, but almost, it feels pretty weird. like theres so much and so little at the same time. but also, i made all this ? i spent thousands of hours of my life creating these and they're real ? bullshit
_ no but like, i always feel like days are passing by and all i ever do is draw, but also that i never get anything done and never have any new art, so actually seeing it all before my eyes is kind of daunting. there IS a lot. is there more than the amount i made before, as traditional art ? i dont know. i dont think itd be wise to get counting either LOL
_ before 2019, which is when i started going on twitter and doing commissions, i was mostly a traditional artist. at that time, i was in art school and was drawing digitally a bunch for that, but my primary medium for my own stuff was still my trusty old sketchbook... i would carry one everywhere and draw almost every day, anytime anywhere. hell, id go through one a year at LEAST. nowadays i still have one, out of habit really, and i dont ever touch it... it sits on a shelf next to my desk, mostly empty since march 2023. theres like 10 pages that have been used at most lol. i guess i just moved on from the kind of art i used to make? now i do bigger pieces with tons of layers etc, whereas before i would be constantly sketching instead. i did do "bigger" art as well, dont get me wrong, but it wouldnt take as much time as it does now... also, alcohol marker is pretty quick lol.
- □ x
_
_ entry 001
_ 06/11/2024
_ hello ?? is this thing on ???
_ jk i know its on. i am just testing things out and not sure what to say lol
_ well, what to say what to say ? i found out about neocities like 2 days ago and have been obsessed with the idea of it since, so i am committing to making one. even if its just for me to look at it and update it twice a year, it will still exist. im usually a believer of the whole "be careful of your digital footprint" thing and never post anything too personal on the internet, but fuck it. i'm tired of social media eating at our brains and of bots and ai. the internet is dead and someday so shall we be.
_ buuut this is supposed to be the good side of my journal/diary thing!! so im not gonna doompost or anything. im just gonna have fun with this and gradually add stuff to this place. god ive missed coding, ive never been good at it (in fact im very illiterate with it) but its always been very fun to me. i was partaking in roleplay forums as a teen and eventually had a few forums of my own that i'd customise and make themes for, so i did dabble in some light html and css for a while... it never lasted very long, but it was fun times. im kinda sad to see that its not as much of a trend anymore (at least in french spaces?), but at the same time, i dont think id be able to write like i used to when i was 14 LOL.
_ i really like the whole coding and heavy tech aesthetic, so im gonna use that here, but im not a programmer at all. well am i anything really ? im an artist first, but also a jack of all trades (and absolutely not a master of any of them). in fact id say im quite mediocre at a number of things i try doing. but at least i got the balls to try them and bullshit my way through, i suppose ? thats way better than staying in my corner and never trying anything new ever, and dying only knowing how to do the same things i did years ago. but yea thats also why im trying gamedev. as much as visual novel making is considered gamedev anyway... im still coding stuff after all but like, its the bottom of the barrel i guess. but it is fun to see things i make exist and work. its fun to see me still exist and work on things.
_ sometimes it's even fun to just exist.
_ hopefully it's still fun a long time from now, when this website is full of memories :3c